Hello! We slaves staff here at the Trump House have heard rumors that the transition to the new regime has been difficult for some. While those who raised the rumors have been swiftly executed, we thought it would be a good idea to provide some guidance to you, the populace. We have created several apps help make your day a little Trumpier. I love my job I swear!
Hot Seat
It can be difficult to know exactly which ethnic, religious, or racial minority you should direct your anger towards each day. The Hot Seat is updated by Trump himself to show which group is deserving of your righteous fury. Remember our slogan: When In Doubt, Lash Out!
App Features Include:
- Readily available slurs
- Voice recording of “Go Back to (insert foreign country here)”
MovieDrone
Watch with with HD-quality video from the POV of the Trump Drone as it strikes down insurrectionists and the families of terrorists!
App Features Include:
- Filters replacing fire with rainbows for family fun!
iExecute
Sick and tired of having to walk all the way to the town square just to enter your name into the monthly sacrifice? Now feel free to enter your name digitally from the discomfort of your cardboard box or dirty alley!
App Features Include:
- Preferred method of execution
Nike Run App
This app lets you know the best route to take during Trump’s spontaneous human hunting trips! Now you have a real reason to stay in shape.
App Features Include:
- A counter to compare your fastest times with other survivors
Tribute
Sure, Tinder was outlawed in 2017 as executive orders decreed all child-rearing age females as reserved for Trump. But now you can relive all that swiping fun! Swipe left and right to weigh in on which concubines you think will please the Chancellor most.
App Features Include:
- An option to say whether or not the woman in question is more attractive than Ivanka. There are no wrong answers, just answers that will get you executed!
ALL APPS ARE MANDATORY FOR DOWNLOAD. THOSE TOO POOR TO HAVE A SMARTPHONE IN THEIR POSSESSION SHALL MAKE THEIR WAY TO THE TOWN SQUARE FOR IMMEDIATE CLEANSING.
Sources: AllThingsApocalypse.tumblr.com
Randall Otis 