Bernie Sanders Is America’s High School Crush

America has entered her liberal arts college, experimental phase. She’s graduated high school, stopped shaving her armpits, decorated her dorm room with Keep Calm and Rosie the Riveter posters, and is ready to reinvent herself. She’s finally changed opinion on gays after getting into Orange Is The New Black and meeting cool friends like Ellen DeGeneres…

Read More

Meeting John Lennon at an Open Mic

The last professional photo of John Lennon was him, naked, hugging his fully clothed wife, Yoko Ono. Hours later he was murdered by Mark David Chapman, shot four times in the archways of The Dakota apartment complex. Lennon had produced some of the greatest songs of the past century and those four bullets erased more…

Read More

Is Your God Playing Hard To Get?

Has your relationship with the Lord gotten a little stale? Do you feel like he’s not paying you much attention or that others are receiving His blessings while you’re out here struggling? Well, along with being an amateur blogger, I also moonlight as a relationship advice columnist for Cosmopolitan magazine and I’m here to give…

Read More

Who Belongs In This Country

Illegal immigration of Mexican immigrants is a contentious issue in the presidential race, with some calling for easier naturalization and others calling for a giant electrified wall, a moat, and a Mexican-eating dragon to patrol the border. A talking point of the candidates is that these immigrants are potentially dangerous and a threat to the…

Read More